Tuesday, August 22, 2006
aku menulis lagi. Ok this may sound silly,, but this is kinda suprisin,, to think that gue lagi alergi dengan apa2x yang berbau 'huruf'. so thx for intan n her novel,, cuz i think they're the one who gave me the spirit. btw im here to make some confessions,, cuz u noe, I've spent my whole lyfe lyin. n that's for my own good,, i thought .
for a start, ive been lyin to my friends for the last 8 months. all of them,, the present ones and the ones from me past . for 'th past ones',, im not th girl they used 2 noe anymore,, no matter how hard i tried 2 b th old me in front of you all. but im not me . jujur, w mrasa trisksa u/ brpura2x . trlebih d dpn kalian, the one i love the most .
i think im lost,,
cuz i dun even noe who i am rite now .
im not bein too dramatic,, but thats the truth .
n i think u all should noe .
ak menghabiskan 6 bln trakhir masa smp ku dlm diam . bungkam. adaptasi bukanlah bidangku . n it'll nva be .
so i just play along w/ the storii 'th present ones' have made,,
im not trying 2 change it,, thats their story in im just a part of it.
ak bkn pmeran utama,, aku hanyalah figuran yg dg ketidaksengajaan tercebur k dlm naskah mrk .
duniaku kla itu dg zona nyamanku dulu brbeda 100%,,
dn kalau d srh memilih,, sudah pasti ak akan memilih untuk kembali k zonaku.
tp mrk tak prnh menyruhku memilih,,
all they said was "just play along w/ dat,, n ull find the happy sign uve been searching for years" .
fuck .
they noe i noe that it was all lies . but they keep on tellin n i keep on swallowin . so then i try 2 do what they say '2 play along' until one morning, when i lay on my bed, hal yg plg kutakutkan terjadi .
im gettin used 2 my role in their storii . dg sunyiku,, dlm bungkamku .
then suddenly i cried,, mnyadari kalau play along w/ them was a mistake . a BIG one .
i tried 2 return,, went back 2 my zone,, but then i realize,, it's impossible.
i've gone 2 far, tiket terusan ku tak memungkinkanku u/ kembali.
smentara u/ membeli tiket baru,, ak tak mampu .
then the one from my past came n try 2 give me th passion they noe i always wanted .
but at that state my body refused 2 take it,,
krn ku sdh muak dg sgalanya. dn yg lbh buruk, ak sdh tk siap lg untuk menerimanya .
takkan pernah .
they asked, "whats wrong baby ?" .
i said, "u noe,, wonderful,, love, trust, happiness,, those r wut happening 2 me" . i lied .
mrk percaya,, menelan semuanya bulat2x .
fuck .
those r lies ! u all noe it ! why pretend 2 noe nth n pour salt on my wounds ?
for a start, ive been lyin to my friends for the last 8 months. all of them,, the present ones and the ones from me past . for 'th past ones',, im not th girl they used 2 noe anymore,, no matter how hard i tried 2 b th old me in front of you all. but im not me . jujur, w mrasa trisksa u/ brpura2x . trlebih d dpn kalian, the one i love the most .
i think im lost,,
cuz i dun even noe who i am rite now .
im not bein too dramatic,, but thats the truth .
n i think u all should noe .
ak menghabiskan 6 bln trakhir masa smp ku dlm diam . bungkam. adaptasi bukanlah bidangku . n it'll nva be .
so i just play along w/ the storii 'th present ones' have made,,
im not trying 2 change it,, thats their story in im just a part of it.
ak bkn pmeran utama,, aku hanyalah figuran yg dg ketidaksengajaan tercebur k dlm naskah mrk .
duniaku kla itu dg zona nyamanku dulu brbeda 100%,,
dn kalau d srh memilih,, sudah pasti ak akan memilih untuk kembali k zonaku.
tp mrk tak prnh menyruhku memilih,,
all they said was "just play along w/ dat,, n ull find the happy sign uve been searching for years" .
fuck .
they noe i noe that it was all lies . but they keep on tellin n i keep on swallowin . so then i try 2 do what they say '2 play along' until one morning, when i lay on my bed, hal yg plg kutakutkan terjadi .
im gettin used 2 my role in their storii . dg sunyiku,, dlm bungkamku .
then suddenly i cried,, mnyadari kalau play along w/ them was a mistake . a BIG one .
i tried 2 return,, went back 2 my zone,, but then i realize,, it's impossible.
i've gone 2 far, tiket terusan ku tak memungkinkanku u/ kembali.
smentara u/ membeli tiket baru,, ak tak mampu .
then the one from my past came n try 2 give me th passion they noe i always wanted .
but at that state my body refused 2 take it,,
krn ku sdh muak dg sgalanya. dn yg lbh buruk, ak sdh tk siap lg untuk menerimanya .
takkan pernah .
they asked, "whats wrong baby ?" .
i said, "u noe,, wonderful,, love, trust, happiness,, those r wut happening 2 me" . i lied .
mrk percaya,, menelan semuanya bulat2x .
fuck .
those r lies ! u all noe it ! why pretend 2 noe nth n pour salt on my wounds ?
me and my BIG MOUTH ;) | 4:39 PM.
