<body>


Saturday, June 05, 2010

Pernah ga sih kalian ngerasa overwhelmed dengan tiba-tiba?
Rasanya semangat, positif, optimis..

Itu yang gue rasain kadang-kadang. Apalagi habis nonton film. Haha.
Dan sekarang, perasaan itu yang gue rasain. Perasaan itu juga yang ngedorong gue buat kembali nulis di blog gue sekarang. Walaupun sebenernya gue ga yakin semangat ini bakal bertahan lama haha.

Akhir-akhir ini gue jadi mempertanyakan kepindahan gue ke Auburn. Hm.. Ngga cuma kepindahan juga, sih. Sebenernya mungkin pertanyaan gue lebih ke masa depan gue. I had a perfect plan before I came here. Well, plan yang, sebenernya sih, mungkin bukan dari gue juga. Tapi plan yang nyokap buat untuk gue. Gue inget waktu SNMPTN dan SIMAK tahun lalu. Tiap orang nanya, gue mau ambil jurusan apa, pasti gue jawab dengan yakin, "FK! Gue mau jadi dokter!" Dan akhirnya gue ambil step pertama gue untuk itu: masuk FK Yarsi.

But, instead of finishing what I have started earlier, I left my dream and moved here. Akhirnya gue pindah ke negara orang yang letaknya ber mil-mil jauhnya dari keluarga gue. Kenapa gue pindah? Ah, soal itu juga sebenernya juga gue ga ngerti. Yang gue tau, I did not feel like I belong there, in Yarsi. Gue ngerasa, gue gabisa lagi cope up sama mereka yang materialis. Gue fikir, harusnya gue dapet lebih dari sekedar pelajaran akademik dari undergrad study gue. Makanya gue pindah. Gue fikir, toh, gue emang ga punya siapa-siapa back then. I never had a real friends. Nobody want to be with me because I am me lol. Jadi gue pindah dengan harapan gue bakal nemuin kehidupan baru di sini.

Guess what, people? I find new friends. I see new perspectives. But, I still don't feel contended. Masih ada yang kosong di sini (keterangan: nunjuk dada). Gue ga pernah ngerasa puas. Akhir-akhir ini juga.. Kepala gue dipenuhi pertanyaan-pertanyaan yang sebelumnya ngga pernah terfikirkan sebelum gue di sini. Setelah gue lulus kuliah terus apa? Cari kerja? Gue kuliah jurusan Biochemistry. Itu bukan mimpi gue. Bukan juga mimpi nyokap. I don't even know what I want. Hey, Mom, if you read this, I just want to let you know, "You won!"

"Mama udah berhasil nanemin micro chip yang mama ciptain buat Fara. You know what? I miss my old life. I miss the old days when I know I am still on track. On your track.. Where I know that I will always be safe.. Because I know, you will always be there for me."

Now that I am here, gue tau, kalau setelah semua studi gue selesai, gue gaakan bisa balik ke kehidupan gue yang dulu. Practically I will be kicked out of my parents house. Then, what? I will lying on the street: dead. Is that what I came here for? I don't even know whether my decision of being here was rational. I don't even know whether I am sane.

Am I okay?


Is there even ANYbody who read this blog?


Hello?

Labels:


me and my BIG MOUTH ;) | 8:09 AM.


Profile
MAK NYOS ;)

MAK NYOS ;)
in her late 20. a girl on the go. med school student. elsevier student ambassador. member of student executive board at campus: strategy review department. was in auburn, united states. now stays in a flat somewhere in ciputat. and yes, the hip above is definitely mine.

 more about>>♥ me ♥

My Multiply Account
Tagboard


get one from cbox!
Wishlist
A 4.0 GPA
A sweet lil' bike
Maysaa's Kimono Wrap Maxi Dress
Maysaa's Satin Wrap Snood
A boyfriend!♥
Exits
Jojo
Ketek
Ali
Anneke
Za
Pei
Kiki
Dee
Fardil
Mitha
Nitchy
Pyro
Icha
Ai
Farrah
Donbiu
Dhika
Archives
July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 June 2007 July 2007 October 2007 November 2008 July 2009 September 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 April 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2012
Credits
originally designed by lil.queens
few things were re-edited by MAK NYOSS ;)
title script source unknown.

Powered by Blogger